About one year ago, just as I was preparing for my wedding to the man of my dreams, I experienced a haunting. It was frequent and occurred when I was in the shower, the one area that I was quietly by myself, without distractions. I was “visited” by an ex-boyfriend in my thoughts. He had hurt me two years ago and I had successfully moved on by the power and forgiveness of God. Or so I thought...
Unfortunately, this haunting had tremendous power over me. I couldn’t rid my mind of one or two experiences that would play over and over again in my mind. It would frustrate me and occupy my thoughts. I shared it with Johnny and prayed about it, but the haunting wouldn’t go away. I was desperate!
After awhile a soft Voice whispered, “Forgive him.” I thought, “Pfft, I have already!” But It urged, “Forgive him.” The Holy Spirit quietly told me that while I may have moved on and forgiven the relationship as a whole, there were a lot of little events that happened within that relationship that I had not given up. So, over the next couple of days, I did. I forgave him for the things that secretly ate away at my spirit. This is how (with no need to call the Ghostbusters):
Haunting: The feeling of uncontrollable loneliness and the pain of sharp hurtful words at a certain event.
Action: “Lord God, as you have forgiven me, I forgive him for making me feel lonely and neglected, especially at _____. I forgive his friends for encouraging him to ignore our relationship and hang with them. I forgive him for calling me _____ and saying I was ______.”
And as the shampoo bottle suggests: “Lather, rinse, REPEAT”
I did this over and over as each memory popped into my head out loud (my roommate probably thought I was nuts talking to myself in the shower). Proclaiming it out loud was imperative to me as well as being specific. And above that, I meant it. One can’t forgive someone through clenched fist and teeth.
Slowly, I could almost hear the chains of the past clang onto the ground. I was experiencing true liberation from bondage of underground unforgiveness. It was like the first breath of air after a long, hard day at work; like the first summer step into the cool waves of the ocean; like running with all your might through an open field as though you were ten again; like the feeling you get when you look into a child’s eyes who truly loves you back. God freed me and I felt joy!
To be honest, this was difficult to write, not because it stirrs up old hurts, but because I couldn't remember why I was so hurt and angry. God showed me how to honestly "forgive and forget." HA!
If you are experiencing a haunting of the past, then there may be some unforgiveness in your heart. Maybe begin by taking a shower and asking God to bring any unforgiveness to your mind. But do it, so that you can wave goodbye to the ghosts of the past and move on into joy!
